So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
