He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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