I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
