I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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