her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
