dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
