i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
