I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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