I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
