Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
