Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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