He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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