Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
