Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
