I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
