The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
