Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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