So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
