just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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