You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
