Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
