they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
