Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
