best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
