do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
