I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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