walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
