why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
