do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
