I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
