I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
