you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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