dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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