Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
