its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
