JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
