Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize