Define "chronic" masturbator.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
