If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
