Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
