She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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