not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
