Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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