I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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