If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
