Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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