my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
