I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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