How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
