They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
