remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
