i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
