i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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