I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
