The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
