i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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