My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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