i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
