Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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