so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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