How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
