we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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