stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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