Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
