3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
