my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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