I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
