Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
