My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
