brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
