Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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