chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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