you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
