I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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