Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
