why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
