absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
