omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
