she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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