What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
