he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
